Patrick Schwerdtfeger is a motivational speaker who can speak about how a person’s dominant personality trait affects the underlying relationship at your next business event. Contact us to check availability. The full transcript of the above video is included below.
Full Video Transcript:
Hi and welcome to another edition of Strategic Business Insights. Today we’re going to deconstruct relationships a little bit. We’re going to talk about people’s dominant trait. So I want you to think about some relationship in your life. Maybe it’s your wife, or if you’re a woman it’s your husband, or maybe it’s your boss at work or even a friend of yours. But for now, let’s just assume it’s your spouse. And since I’m a guy I’ll assume you’re a guy, so we’re talking about your—actually, let’s do it the other way around. You’re the woman and you’re talking about your husband.
Think about what you love most about your husband. Just think about it. What is that thing that you love the most? Now turn it around – what’s the thing you hate most about your husband? What’s the thing that drives you crazy?
Now, when you got those two, think about this for a second: There are pretty good odds that they are in fact two opposite sides of the same dominant trait. We all have dominant traits. I have a dominant trait and you have a dominant trait. That dominant trait has a good side and a bad side. The dominant trait is the primary quality that makes you you, and your husband’s dominant trait is the primary reason, the thing that makes him him. It’s his unique quality. It’s his dominant trait, and there are aspects of that dominant trait that you probably love and there are also aspects of that dominant trait that you hate.
So the thing is people always focus on what they don’t want, what they don’t like, what drives them crazy, and then they think, “God, I want to get rid of that. I want to change it. I wish that could go away.” If they were lucky, if you were lucky enough to get rid of the quality that you hate so much in your husband, you would lose what you love most at the exact same time. You would lose what you love most because the two are interrelated. They’re the same quality.
Just the other day I was speaking to someone and I asked him about this, and he was talking about his brother. And I asked him, “What’s the thing you love most about him?” And he said, “You know, he’s just a really caring guy.” He said to me, “My brother is a super-caring guy.”
And I hadn’t told him this whole theory yet, and I said, “What do you hate most about him?” And he said, “Well, he gets so anxious sometimes. He has a lot of anxiety.” It’s the same quality. His anxiety – he gets anxious because he’s caught up in his own head. He has a lot of empathy because he struggles himself. Because he struggles himself, that’s why he’s kind to others, is because that empathy is the same quality.
And then he was fascinated by it and he said, “You know, that’s really interesting,” and he started talking about his ex-girlfriend. And he said the thing he loved most about her was the fact that she was super-spontaneous, just totally spontaneous, would do different things whenever, with no notice whatsoever. And meanwhile, the thing he hated most about her was that she was flighty and unreliable.
It’s the same quality. She’s an explorer. She wants to go out and do whatever. She doesn’t want to be constrained by any rules. That’s what made her awesome in the sense that she was spontaneous, and that’s what drove him crazy because she was flighty and flaky. Same quality. It’s her dominant trait.
And then if you look the other way around, and a lot of men—not all, this is a generalization—a lot of men are very alpha, domineering people. Not all, maybe less than half. I really don’t know what the percentage is. But let’s say if you’re a woman—we were talking earlier on about you being a woman and evaluating your husband—so let’s say you’re husband’s a real alpha guy. A lot of women really love that quality. They love the dominant, confident, sometimes borderline arrogant personality in men. It’s a very attractive quality to a lot of women.
But meanwhile, what do they complain most? That they can’t talk about any of their emotions to him. He doesn’t understand emotions. He doesn’t get it. It’s the same quality. When you’re alpha like that, the reason you’re alpha is because you’re not in your head, you’re not mired in all these emotional feelings and self-doubt and insecurities. So how would that person relate to someone who does have emotions, or someone maybe who does have insecurities or vulnerabilities? That person can’t because it’s not in his life experience.
So again, the quality you love most, which is the alpha, dominant, confident personality is the same quality you hate most because that guy is absolutely incapable of communicating with you about maybe problems you have in your life. So if this is true for you, maybe you have to go to your girlfriends to talk about some of the frustrations in your life and the things you struggle with. Maybe you have to go to those people and talk about it with them because your husband just doesn’t get it. But either way, the point is that it’s two different sides of the same coin.
So don’t oversimplify the situation and say, “Oh, I wish that he could change this or get rid of that,” or “She could change this or get rid of that.” Whatever it is, that thing you hate most – understand that it’s their dominant trait. And if you’re going to be in a relationship with that person, whether it’s your spouse or a friend of yours, maybe even a child—could be your child, a son or daughter—or your boss at work or a colleague or a coworker, understand their dominant trait and understand that there are going to be sides of that dominant trait that you like and sides of that trait that you don’t like. It’s a way for you to deconstruct the relationship and understand better how you can relate with that person, and relationships are the number one thing you need for your business and your life to be successful. So hopefully this is one way that you can look at those relationships and benefit from compartmentalizing it a little bit better than you could before.
Thanks for watching the video. My name is Patrick, reminding you to think bigger about your business, think bigger about your life.
Patrick Schwerdtfeger is a keynote speaker who has spoken at business conferences in North America, South America, Europe, Africa, the Middle East and Asia.