Patrick Schwerdtfeger is a motivational speaker who can speak about positive psychology and the science of happiness at your next business event. Contact us to check availability. The full transcript of the above video is included below.
Full Video Transcript:
Hi, and welcome to another edition of Strategic Business Insights. Today we’re going to talk about the impact of your emotions on the other people in your life, and in fact, on your life as well. Consider an example of two people walking into a room, two people who are basically identical. They’re not identical but they’re very similar people. Meanwhile, one of those two people is practically glowing in the dark, and the other person basically fades into the shadows. How are those two people actually different?
We’ve all seen this. We’ve all been in environments where we’ve seen this sort of dynamic taking place. People come to the room and some people are just beaming. They’re glowing in the dark. They’re like human magnets. And other people come in and they kind of fade into the background.
Well, the reality is that we are reacting to very subtle subcommunications in the way the person stands, in the sparkle in their eye, the way they animate themselves, if they use big gestures, if they use small gestures, if they’re smiling, if they’re not smiling. And people aren’t doing those things for the most part intentionally. Yes, there is a science to this, and some people actually reverse engineer and try and deconstruct this kind of [00:01:21] so that they can artificially create that impact, but that’s a very small part of the population that does that sort of stuff.
But for the most part, people act that way as a result of their emotions. So when you’re happy, when you’re excited, naturally your arms move more, you’re more animated, your eyes are bigger, you have a sparkle in your eye, you have a spring in your step. People can tell. People can tell from the other side of the room because we radiate our emotions. We radiate our emotions.
Now, when people can tell that you’re in a really good mood, well, guess what? They can tell that you’re in a really bad mood as well. Now, it’s only really at the extreme that you’re consciously aware of these perceptions. Like when someone’s super-excited, then you notice it because it’s almost startling in a way that you take notice of it very quickly. You’re like, “Wow, that person’s really fired up.” But that’s just the conscious awareness of what you saw. If they were slightly less animated, if they weren’t quite as extreme, you would still notice in your subconscious mind. You just might not be consciously aware of what you noticed.
Now, if you notice the very happy and excited people when they walk into a room, you also notice the people who are not happy at all and frustrated and angry. You can tell that too. Again, you may not be consciously aware of it, but you can tell.
Now, what that means is that when you’re in a good mood, other people notice. Other people notice. And when you’re in a bad mood, when you’re frustrated, when you’re angry, people notice that also. Now, what do you think the implications are?
When you’re in a super-excited mood, people gravitate to that. It’s like a magnet. People are drawn to excitement, but you know why? Because most people live in a boredom trance. Our world, that’s the way our society functions. People, they have a nine-to-five job. They commute to work. They work. They come back. They go through a same routine day after day. People are in a boredom trance. So when there’s someone out there who’s excited, who’s doing cool things, who’s active, who has that twinkle in their eye, that spring in their step, people are attracted to that.
The opposite is true. When you’re angry and when you’re depressed and when you’re frustrated, when you’re judgmental, when you’re jealous, that repels people. People want to stay away from you when you’re in that mood. So the bottom line is you want to control your mood and make sure that you’re in a good mood. You need to be a gatekeeper to the thoughts that go into your mind.
I know we all have negative thoughts. Believe me, I have plenty of negative thoughts. This is something that I’ve studied because it’s something that affects me in my life, because I have sometimes negative thoughts that I struggle with. So I’ve done a lot of reading in this area, I’ve done a lot of study in this area, and it’s the responsibility of me, it’s the responsibility of you, it’s the responsibility of every one of us to be responsible for our own emotions, to bring our emotions from internally rather than externally, looking for someone else for validation, looking for some event to happen for us to be in a good mood. You need to be able to generate those feelings on your own. And if you have that control, then you can be in that positive mindset the majority of the time. That’s going to make a huge impact in your life.
Now, there are basically two ways, two primary strategies, to put yourself in a good mood, and to me they’re kind of opposites of each other. The first is to essentially visualize and just mentally focus on positive things, focus on things that make you happy. Gratitude; there are all these sorts of things. We can focus on those sorts of things to be in a good mood.
The other way is to just do things that will make you happy. Now, this is the difference between being and doing. To me, the path to being is through doing. In other words, if you want to be a happy person, the way to do it is to take actions that make you happy, and that will filter in. For me, at least, it’s very difficult to psychologically architect happiness. Focusing on gratitude, focusing on happy things – I’m not discounting it. It might work for some people. It’s difficult for me to just mentally construct happiness.
To me, the road to being happy is doing. The road to being is through doing. So do things that you’re good at. Do things that you enjoy. Set up your life. If you made a list of all the things you’re good at and all the things you enjoy, if you really sat down for half an hour and wrote down all the things that you could do that make you happy, that you enjoy doing, the list would be so long that you don’t have time in the day to do all those things. In other words, you could build your entire life just around things you’re good at, just around things that make you happy.
So my recommendation—again, you can focus on gratitude. I’m all for it. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that strategy. It’s just a strategy that’s proven difficult for me. But what I recommend is to start focusing on things in your life that you’re good at, things that you enjoy, and try and do as many of those things as you can. Because what’s going to happen? It’s going to filter through your psychology and make you happier, more excited, more alive, and that’s going to draw people to you. It’s going to draw positive energy to you, which will accelerate the process. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You do things you’re good at, you do things that make you happy, it filters through your psychology and into the people around you, who feed back in, and the whole thing starts taking on a life of its own and you can really accelerate your life that way.
So be conscious of the fact that your emotions, whether you realize it or not, if you’re in a good mood, it affects your life. If you’re in a bad mood, it affects your life. So take responsibility of your emotions, and take actions to ensure that you can be in a positive mindset as you go into your day-after-day living environment.
Thanks for watching this video. This is Patrick once again reminding you to think bigger about your business, think bigger about yourself.
Patrick Schwerdtfeger is a keynote speaker who has spoken at business conferences in North America, South America, Europe, Africa, the Middle East and Asia.